Online Matchmaking: Scams

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scams

This page considers online matchmaking scams.

It covers -

introduction
mechanisms

introduction

A preceding page of this profile noted concerns regarding 'e-bride' schemes, sometimes associated with human trafficking or beset with misrepresentation and other fraud.

It is important to recognise that misbehaviour is not restricted to cross-border romances. Scams occur within Australia, New Zealand, the UK and other countries rather than being restricted to dating someone who claims to be living in Russia, the Ukraine or the Philippines.

That is evident in some identity crimes discussed elsewhere on this site.

UK scammer Emma Golightly, for example, attracted media attention (and what was arguably an overly short time in prison) for the zest with which she conned men met through dating sites and via acquaintances. She posed as a paediatric surgeon, tugging heart strings and opening wallets with tales of her work caring for kids with cancer. She also posed as a successful entrepreneur, worth millions and looking for the right man.

In one scam she claimed to be a website designer earning £60,000 a year, the daughter of a millionaire father who was a High Court judge. She was supposedly born in South Africa, educated in Dallas and went to university at 16 because she had a stellar IQ. That did not save her from being raped by the man she married at 17, a brute who pushed her down the stairs so that she had lost her unborn twins. But wait, there's more - her mother had died of cancer. None of the stories were true but they persuaded one beau to give her a £1,000 engagement ring. Another called off the romance after discovering that his cards were lighter by £80,000.

Confrere David Davies was ordered to repay over £100,000 extracted from UK women met through online dating services in response to his request for "attractive lady, good conversation and a zest for life and the better things it has to offer". Like Golightly he had embroidered his past, falsely claiming to be a member of the elite SAS, a structural engineer and engaged in government work so secret that it could not be disclosed to his nearest and dearest - several of whom were near & dear concurrently.

Davies blithely kept some of the proceeds in a special compartment in his Porsche, apparently reinforcing his own fantasies about his status as a man of mystery.

mechanisms

How do the scams work?

There is no single mechanism: as in the days of wandering confidence men (and women) or newspaper lonelyhearts columns the scammers use a range of strategies to exploit the good faith - or stupidity - of their victims. The scale of the exploitation also varies, from free meals and spare change through to misuse of credit cards and cheque accounts amounting to over $100,000.

Some scammers gain the confidence of victims online but extract the money offline through face to face contact. Observers have occasionally argued that particular victims are likely to be especially wary of claims made online but proportionately much less cautious about lies made to their face.

Some dating scammers never meet their victims, instead operating wholly online. The complexity of their appeals varies. It reflects the scammer's experience and skills. It also reflects the scammer's assessment of the victim (in terms of vulnerability and assets).

It often resembles the 'Nigerian' or '419' Scams discussed in more detail elsewhere on this site, with a structured interaction between scammer and victim persuading the victim that he/she is dealing with a genuine person and that the victim cannot withdraw from contact despite what an independent observer would regard as howling implausibilities.

It is clear that a victim who has provided goods or money will be asked for more (and will often respond to recurrent requests by continuing to give, often on an escalating basis). It is also clear that, as with 419 scams, some people are recurrent victims - falling for a series of e-dating fraudsters rather than learning from one or two bitter experiences. One UK report thus noted victimisation of a man who sent £10,000 to a Russian woman so that she could gain a visa and ticket to meet him. He visited Heathrow airport on four occasions: each time she did not arrive. Undeterred, he shifted to a 'Christian' dating site, eventually sending £6,000 to a woman in Senegal (or someone who claimed to be a woman and in Senegal). Alas, she also did not arrive.

What do scammers ask for? The usual pattern seems to be a gift as a token of regard at the beginning of the relationship (and as a test by the scammer of whether it is worth investing time in cultivating the victim). The scammer may persuade the victim to provide a cheque or make a debit/credit card payment, for example because the scammer has ostensibly suffered some sort of unexpected and temporary business reverse, has had an accident or an unanticipated tax demand that requires immediate cash, or needs to help a sick friend/relative.

Once the relationship is underway, some scammers seek money that will ostensibly enable them to travel to the victims - taking cash, using a credit card or an air ticket. The latter tends to reinforce the victim's sense that a face to face meeting will take place and lulls suspicion, despite the fact that many tickets are convertible (ie can be exchanged for cash from the airline or can be 'resold' at a discount to a genuine traveler).

The scammer will sometimes deal with non-arrival by telling the victim that the ticket was non-transferable and that he/she did not make the flight because of reasons that will elicit the victim's sympathy (eg a parent or child died, the scammer was in a serious accident), thereby setting up the victim to provide another ticket. Scammers operating across borders will often excuse non-arrival by claiming that at the last minute it was necessary to bribe corrupt officials.

Other scammers are more ingenious.

One routine is to pose as a fellow national, living in another city but needing to travel overseas for business or to see relatives. Prior to the first face to face meeting (or even after that meeting) the scammer contacts the victim by phone or email, seeking help to escape from a dire situation. That crisis typically involves something such as -

thieves have stolen the scammer's passport during an overseas visit (bribing officials to overlook the absence of a passport is more expensive than simply replacing a stolen air ticket)
the scammer has been arrested by corrupt officials for an innocent infraction of rules (eg a trivial traffic accident) or to extort money from the scammer and the victim must accordingly send money, lots of money, to rescue the beloved
the scammer has been seized by criminals in a state such as Gabon or Colombia and the victim must accordingly pay ransom money if the beloved is not to be killed, forced to live on cockroaches or be deprived of fingers and other body parts.

The scammer claims that he/she will repay every cent once freed from bondage and the indifference of diplomats. Of course there is no repayment and the scammer (who might be sitting comfortably at home or in a cybercafe in the next suburb) never appears.

That routine updates the so-called Spanish Prisoner (or Turkish Prisoner) scam that has been apparent since the Middle Ages and is discussed in works such as Arthur Leff's Swindling and Selling: The Spanish Prisoner & Other Bargains (New York: Free Press 1976). Technologies change, hearts do not.

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